My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Today

Today was just awful.  I dont know why.  We slept in (YAY) so that started out well.  But within minutes it was just awful and just kept getting worse and worse.  Finally at some point this afternoon I said enough is enough.  I said a little prayer and just said I cant do this, I am done and I need help.  Guess what?  I got it.  I calmed down, the kids calmed down and were behaved and played with each other like they actually liked each other.  It was nice.  Going to have to remember that!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Atonement is for everyone.

But I am not a sinner.  So?  The Atonement is still for you!  How?  Mathew 11:28-29 (KJV) "Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

October 23, 2001 as part of a BYU devotional David A Bednar said. "There is no physical pain, no anguish of the soul, no suffering of the spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first.  You an I are in a moment of weakness may cry our 'no one understands. No one knows' No human being perhaps knows,  But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did.  And because he paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, he has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of life.  He can reach out, touch and succor_ literally run to us_ and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power."

Wow.  Could you imagine what you could become, what you could achieve if you leaned on the Atonement?  You could be a spiritual powerhouse!  And with that you could do great and wonderful things!  Everyone around you would feel nothing but love from you. I am trying to become someone like that.

We talked about some interesting stuff in our group meeting the other night.  The Greek definition of perfect is whole, complete, finished.  So in that definition my family is perfect.  We have all the children we feel our ours, so we are whole, complete, finished.  We are not spotless though.  And spotless does not equal perfect.  We are working on becoming spotless, the husband and I are.  The kids, well since they are all under 8 they are spotless. We dont have to be perfect but we do have to be spotless.  Repenting and using the atonement to help us heal helps us to become spotless.

The atonement is for us all.  I know this now better than I ever have before.  The Atonement can help me and you become a better parent, wife, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker.  Which ever hat(s) you wear.  All we have to do is ask and little by little start turning our hearts to Our Father in Heaven.  Our Savior is there to lift us up.  He is waiting.  He isnt just waiting for the sinners.  He is waiting for YOU. He is waiting for me. Reach out, take His hand and let Him guide you.

Don't just read, actually study, ponder, think, feel.  Dont just pray, talk!  Talk to your Father in Heaven like he is your best friend.  and LISTEN too.  He does talk back!
That is what I am going to work on this week.

Monday, July 16, 2012

cycles of Addiction

I feel it is beneficial to understand how Addicts cycle.  They all do, Some are just more apparent than others.  If you can learn about it you might be able to start seeing the pattern.  If you can see the pattern is when you can start breaking the cycle.


Codependency is also a form of addiction.  One that also needs to be recognized before it can be broken.