My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

For Good

A week or so ago I was substituting at a school and I got to attend the choir/ band assembly. The Choir sang this song.  It was amazing.  It was the first time I had ever heard the song.  I have been thinking a lot about it since.

I do believe Certain  people come into our lives for good.

A few months ago we helped some new neighbors move in.  They have been a whole lot of good in our lives.  They helped us out in a time of need.  Also they not on purpose introduced me to someone else who also has changed our lives for the better.  She has helped us through the process with the school district this year.  Her help has been invaluable.  We are forever grateful for Heavenly Father bringing these people into our lives.

Our Son's teacher this year is another one.  She has inspired him in so many ways.  Ways that she may never fully understand though she is starting through our IEP meetings and stuff to hear what a difference she is making.  She is making a difference in my life too in many ways.

The friends that I made through my first bout with PostPartum depression, they were brought into my life for good.

Travis' grandma.

My friend that I met through her facbook post on a garage sale site asking for the name of the local Bishop.  We wouldnt have made it through last year without her.

All the amazing people that I have met through the Addiction recovery program.

My new friends that brought their  families over to share thanksgiving with us.

My few friends in the last place we lived.  The ones that I walked with, the ones that brought travis home from his military training for Christmas, the one that was there and would pop over last minute when I have a paralyzing reaction to meds while pregnant, then jumped in and saved the day when the little one was born. and again when she cut her chin open and I had to haul her to the ER. The one that was there to talk to when I needed it.

All of these people were brought into our lives by tender mercies shown to us by our heavenly father.

I am so grateful for them and many more.  Thank you for being an amazing part of my life.

Sunday, December 6, 2015


I think I am suffering from a bad bout of seasonal depression again.  It started back in late September.  It got really bad by October.  I started on some stuff for it.  It started to get better especially after I cleared up one of the huge things that was bugging me.
Then I got sick.  I firmly believe in the power of alternatives for meds.  Vitamins, Oils, herbs, Craniosacral therapy.
I know there are a lot of people who hate me for my refusal of drugs some of them will read this and I'm sure I will catch it but I don't really care.  I react to them all and sometimes the reactions just aren't worth it.
I also believe in moderation in ALL things. So when I got sick and the sickness got bad enough I couldn't breathe I made a choice I quit the oils I was using for mood and switched to ones For lung and other immune issues.

The depression started to get out of control again.  But not as bad as it has been just bad enough.  The anxiety has been terrible too.  I am better so I'm back on my mood stuff.  It's slow and 1 step forward a couple back.  But it's improving.  Thankfully trough it all I have been able to continue with the spouse group.  Since my attendance there goes in spurts with the husbands work schedule.
It has helped so much it is the place where I feel like people get it.

Someone told me the other day that she fully believes God answers prayers through people and other means.

I know this.  I have seen it so often.
Just recently, It's the friend that takes you aside and says you need a hug and gives you a big old hug and hangs on while you cry.

The comments from people when they read a post

The person who randomly says "I Love you."

The kids who finds you STILL in bed and comes and curls up next to you for a little while.

Through it all this time though I have prayed.  Always before I have given up on Prayer.  I have given up on my Father in Heaven and my Brother Jesus Christ.

I know the atonement has and will continue to carry me through.  I am forever grateful for the Atonement and what our group/book has taught me about the Atonement.
I am grateful I am in a place where I can talk about it now because talking about it helps.

Today in Church we were talking about the manifestations of the Love of God.
They are everywhere.  Some call them blessings, some tender mercies, some random coincidences.

Whatever you call them they are there and they are your Father in Heaven, and your Brother Jesus Christ showing you through the Spirit that  you are loved.
Adding to my list above:
The stroke.  1 year and 5 months ago.  About 1 year and 6-7 months ago I told husband that we were done.  I was done.  It's taken some time but he has changed so much.  This time I think the changes are deep, real, and here to stay.
Not too long ago I took a picture of him sleeping under a pink princess blanket on the couch.  I posted it on facebook.  I didn't realize until then how much over the last year I have become thankful for him.  I told someone a month or so ago that I was starting to like him again.  and I am.
It's because of the Stroke he had.  It's because of the group he attends.  It's because of the Atonement of my Savior.
It's because of a tender mercy given to us by our Father in Heaven.

I am grateful to be where I am right now.  I don't know why I am back here.  I hate feeling how I do  I thought with all I have been through with depression, anxiety and everything I wouldn't ever have to come back here.  But here I am.  I wonder what I didn't learn before.  I hope I learn it this time whatever it is.
These are some amazing songs that have helped.