Just feeling defeated. Really defeated. We are in a tough situation over here. We reached out for help and we got shut down. Told nope, no help would be received. It hurts. We are getting desperate in our situation and have barely been hanging on for months now. There is no end in sight. We are doing all we can to try and better our situation. We are mostly playing a waiting game. And at the end of the rope we reached out and got denied.
I feel awful too that I got asked to help out someone else in the ward. The compassionate service leader called me and asked me to fill a need. I had to tell her that I couldn't. I couldn't fill the need without my family potentially going without. I am down on myself for not being able to help. For not just helping when there was a need. I hate not being able to help when it is asked for because so often I ask for help and get turned away.
I'm tired of this hole we are in. I am trying to make the best of it, but it isnt working anymore. I am falling apart and dont have the strength to keep holding on. I really don't understand why we cant just have our need filled. Filling the main need would fill in all the gaps for the other needs. But we can not find a way to fill that one need. We have been searching for that way for 2 years now. no, more than that. Nothing is coming our way. and I dont understand why. When my husband was in the middle of his addiction all our needs were always met, by someone somewhere. Now when he is at his best place in recovery and so am I the gaps in other areas are getting bigger and not being filled. no matter how hard we try or what we do. Promises of help from other people are forgotten about or put off, and other times we are just flat out told no there will be no help.
Why? Why do people promise they will do something and then not follow through? Why do people say, Call me I want to help then turn you away when you do call?