My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Just feeling defeated.  Really defeated.  We are in a tough situation over here.  We reached out for help and we got shut down.  Told nope, no help would be received.  It hurts.  We are getting desperate in our situation and have barely been hanging on for months now.  There is no end in sight.  We are doing all we can to try and better our situation.  We are mostly playing a waiting game.  And at the end of the rope we reached out and got denied.
I feel awful too that I got asked to help out someone else in the ward.  The compassionate service leader called me and asked me to fill a need.  I had to tell her that I couldn't.  I couldn't fill the need without my family potentially going without.  I am down on myself for not being able to help.  For not just helping when there was a need.  I hate not being able to help when it is asked for because so often I ask for help and get turned away.

I'm tired of this hole we are in.  I am trying to make the best of it, but it isnt working anymore.  I am falling apart and dont have the strength to keep holding on.    I really don't understand why we cant just have our need filled. Filling the main need would fill in all the gaps for the other needs.  But we can not find a way to fill that one need.  We have been searching for that way for 2 years now.  no, more than that.  Nothing is coming our way.  and I dont understand why.  When my husband was in the middle of his addiction all our needs were always met, by someone somewhere.  Now when he is at his best place in recovery and so am I the gaps in other areas are getting bigger and not being filled.  no matter how hard we try or what we do.  Promises of help from other people are forgotten about or put off, and other times we are just flat out told no there will be no help.
Why?  Why do people promise they will do something and then not follow through?  Why do people say, Call me I want to help then turn you away when you do call?


  1. I can relate to you. I am so sorry your family is going through this rough patch that probably feels like a huge black hole. Just remember that when you feel the most down and darkest hour is upon you, remember to just hang in there soon the light will come. I pray that the Lord will help your family find what it is that you need the most. Me and my family have been homeless 4 times in the 22 years of marriage. Once we lived in a camper for 4 months. Sometimes I truly wondered how I made it through those 4 months. We had no bathroom in our camper. We washed our hair in a grave yard with freezing cold water, but the closeness and tender mercies of the Lord was there. Sometimes I would set and cry and kept asking God why, but I learned that not to ask why, but why not. I have learned so much about myself. It kind of sound cliche but remember that when we are in our deepest dispare don't forget to pray. Satan works even that much harder on those who are doing what is right. He maybe tempting you to give up or give in. Don't lose sight of hope. As I always say Believe in and have hope and faith God is near you. I pray that you can feel the love of the Savior and he gives you a big hug of warmth! Most of all remember that He loves us more than sometimes we love ourselves.

  2. Sorry you are going through a rough spot. Trust in God, keep praying and maybe your blessing is just around the corner.

    My husband is in recovery as well, and it seemed that all of our needs were met when he was struggling. Crazy how that would be the case.

    Don't know what your need is or why you would be turned down, however the Lord has a plan for you and will be there no matter what. You are never alone.

    Prayers for you!