My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Treasure boxes

I am a believer in Energy.  We are made of energy.  Some call it Karma.  I believe the two are "friends" with each other, but they aren't the same.  Sort of like our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost.  All are 3 separate things, 2 of them having their own separate bodies and the third being a Spirit. in the end they all have the same goal, same heart and are very like minded, but all 3 are individual also.  As is Karma and energy.

So I see a craniosacral therapist who not only has studied it deeply, and has taken many many courses on it, she also is a licensed counselor with a degree in psychology.  She is also an RN.  She is not LDS, but that does not mean she is not a spiritual person.  She is very spiritual and very Christian.  I love her so much.  She has helped us and me so much to learn and grow and to heal.

Anyway, we had an awesomely powerful session today.  Awesome.  Backtracking a little bit, about a year ago we had another extremely powerful session.  We worked a lot on my core and my heart, there was some blackness in there, we pulled it out, looked at it and defined it.  We defined it as Fear, anger, hate.  There were several people who shall remain nameless involved in some of or all of these things.  It took us really about an hour to talk through and look at it all.  Then she asked me where I wanted to put it because it needed to go somewhere.  So I decided on a box. a walnut box taken from the heart of a walnut tree.  Then I decided to put said box in a big hole under the walnut tree.  Then I took the hole, the box and the tree and tossed them into the depths of the ocean.
I could tell she didnt really think that is where it should all go, but she wasn't the one doing the healing, I was so she let me put it there.

I know now what she knew then, that I was ready to heal, yes, but only in part.  Something inside of me wanted to hold onto that a little longer.

So here we are about a year year and a half later and I went back today for some random intense pain I have been having in my ligaments   Random ligaments   I rolled something in my leg the other day.  I snapped my jaw real bad one day, my thumb randomly started hurting really badly, not a bone issue, but a tendon or ligament.

  In the scriptures we learn time and time again about a phrase.  "Turn the hearts of the children to the fathers and the hearts of the fathers to the children." and like I read in Mosiah tonight the sins of the fathers shall fall upon the children.
What does this mean?  Well to me it means if we are carrying something in this life energetically and we don't heal it and move on 100 % from it it will be passed on.  If we are say an addict and we don't heal that we will pass it on to the next generation who will carry it and if they don't heal it it gets passed on again...

So anyway, backtracking again... A few years ago a counselor that we went to church with (the first counselor to counsel us as a couple and deal with the pornography addiction) talked to me about this hearts of the children/fathers thing.  My mom had told me after I had healed from my postpartum depression that possibly my grandmother had suffered from it a time or two, she had many reasons to think it.  She was never given the chance to heal from it (not that she suffered from it the rest of her life, just didnt get a full healing) so it got passed down.  It was on me to heal it or pass it.  The counselor then started with me on healing it.  So did a kinnesiologist that I was seeing.
Then my current Craniosacral therapist has helped me with this too.

So back to today (wow this is turning out to be a long post, oh well it's my journal). Today we took all that fear, anger, postpartum depression, the need to self forgive, and the need to forgive others, and we asked 5 specific people involved ( energetically) to take all they had of whatever part of this they were involved in and put it with me into a box.  This time when she asked me what box to put it in I came up with a treasure chest.  at first I thought, really?  that is stupid (especially since you have now seen what the chest looked like) but she had told me not to filter of fight anything, to just go with it. so I did.  We put it all in there, the whole time thinking, that poor box, it was so pretty, fun and fancy free now it is holding this horrible burden that has spanned over many generations of my family, more than just the 2 I have already mentioned, clear back maybe 10 generations. of course it extended to some around me that arent even really my family.

A lot of the stuff that came up today was particulars that were brought out in my kinnesiology sessions, and counseling sessions dealing with the PPD.  Stuff that her and I have never talked about, yet she picked them out and described them with me.  There was things particular phrases that I have written down in my inventory that I did for step 4.  Things that she wouldn't have known about because I have not told her.
So anyway we put all my stuff in this box.  We invited the other people involved to put theirs in this box too so that we could all heal together.  As we put it in we asked for the healing light of Christ to fill the space.
It was all just so amazing.

Then she asked God to come take the box, and we closed the session.

I asked her, you know why I chose a treasure box?  She said, yes, but you tell me. hahaha.  So I did.  I told her I chose a beautiful treasure box because what was inside while dark and ugly could some day (soon) be opened and hold a beautiful treasure because all that bad could, in the hands of God become good to us, through healing.

Hopefully the things we discussed in depth that I only brifley glazed over here will be things that are healed and not passed on for anymore generations.  I know that if I want them to, through God, and my Savvior Jesus Christ these things are possible!

What are you going to give up to God to have him make into a treasure for you?

1 comment:

  1. My heartache and anger over loosing 2 babies. That's what I need to give to him. I need to realize that all of my loss will be made up somehow...that's the treasure for me.

    Thanks for your post!

    I even thought a few times that maybe our loved ones who have past on are learning how to heal from us. Beautiful thought!