My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Gumball machine

There was an article in the April 2014 Ensign magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints entitled Beyond the bubblegum machine (read the full article here

It was fantastic.  She talks about how many people see Church and serving God as a gumball machine. you put a penny in, you get a gumball.  Or you put time in, going to church, reading scriptures, serving in a calling, reading scriptures...  you understand.  Then you get a blessing.  Right?  She goes through and explains how yes, that is true... but...  the blessing may not always be what you want.

If we always got what we wanted where would we be?  What would be the point?  We would all be spoiled rotten rich kids with an entitled attitude.
That's not life.

She herself at one point gave up on the church because all she ever wanted (married with a family) was not happening even after all her time given to the Lord.

Then she learned that it shouldn't be about what you get for what you give.  it should just be about giving to the Lord and trusting in His will and time.

I thought about how much the article is akin to step 3. Trust in the Lord.  The Lord knows what is best for us.  and He will give us what we need when we need it, whether or not  we get it when we want it.  That means trials also.

If life/ church worked like a gumball machine would we truly be happy?  No we wouldn't. We need opposition.  Look at what Adam and Eve and the lessons we learned from them.  We have to have sorrow before we can know joy.  We have to know Joy before we can know sorrow.

Yes trials suck.  Some more than others.  And while it is hard while we are going through them we need to look for the joy and the lesson in them.  If we are doing it right we will become stronger and better for our trials.

Am I glad for some of my trials? no but one day I hope to be.  Some of them I am glad for at least in part.  Without having have suffered through severe Post partum depression and all the crap that came with that I wouldn't have met and worked with and loved some of the wonderful ladies that I did.  Some of them years later here we are still face book friends.  One of them I am really close to and she lifts me up constantly.  Would I rather not have gone through that?  YES!  I would have.  Did I feel at the time that it was undue for all that I was doing right?  YES.  Did I give up?  Almost.  Luckily The good Lord pulled me through with the help of a counselor, some wonderful online friends and some alternative doctors.

Would I rather not be married to a recovering addict?  Yes.  But would I change it?  Probably not.  Because he IS recovering.  He IS making progress and becoming a better person, and I and my children are too. and I have met some wonderful women (and some men who have served with their wives as group leaders) who have helped me and lifted me.  More so than the ones who sought to tear us down for the trials that were given us.

Today was the General Relief Society meeting, now I guess just the Womens meeting since they have expanded it beyond just the Relief Society.  Can I just say I am PROUD to be a member of a church that uplifts and honors it's women in the way that ours does?  It is fantastic.  I love women's conference and my Church and my God, and his Son, my Brother Jesus Christ.

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