My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Saturday, September 12, 2015


So in June Husband was gone for 3 weeks.  While he was gone I could not contact him.  He could contact me, but not me him.  When he could contact us time was minimal and the kids got to go first.
During this time our city flooded several times in several places.  My basement leaked. I had no spouse to really talk to about all the options to fix it. I called in 5 contractors.  one never showed one said he couldn't do it, one said he wouldn't do it.  so that left me with 2.  and both had VERY different ways of fixing the issue.
I prayed.
I made a choice.
I prayed.
I second guessed that choice.
I prayed.

I never really got a firm answer.

I made my choice.

After the work was done I was happy. I knew I had made the right choice.

In the middle of all the basement fun our second car broke.  It failed to go into reverse.  I  got computer codes read.  Came home and googled the codes.  The codes were scary.  The cost of repair was going to be as much as the value of the car. we owed more than the car was worth.

We battled with this one for awhile. almost 3 months.
We prayed.
We made a decision.
we prayed.
decision stood on a very unstable foundation.
we prayed.
we second guessed.
Another decision made
More prayer.
Back and forth round and round.
More information received,
More prayer
More changing decisions.

We posted it fr sale for less than we owed.
we got call after call on it.  What's wrong EXACTLY.  how low iwll you go?  How do I get it here? (Because no one local wanted it so it had to be towed out of state)
I'll think about it and work on it and get back to you.
Never to be heard from again.

decision making.
second guessing.

Another call.  Same story.  a week goes by. nothing.  more days go by. nothing.

same dude calls again.  he wants to make a deal his message says.  I text him.  He responds.  more questions more pics wanted. I send him what he wants. He wants to paypal me money and meet me in halfway with it on the back of a tow truck.  If he likes it he will pay the rest in cash and take it home.

Instead I called my mom.  She agreed to have it towed on her 200 mile towing plan. So we arrange it. 3 hours on the phone between my mom, dude that wants my car more than me and the towing company.

I still don't feel like I have received an answer that this is the right course of action.

3 hours later we cant get a tow truck until between 7 and 8 am.  we will get a call around 7.

730 am next day rolls around.  no call.  I call towing plan company they are confused they say it got towed last night.  I say no it didn't no one could do it YOU told me that.  He looks through notes, ah yes he says.  I'll call a tow truck.  45 minutes later he calls.  Tow truck will be there around 930 Nick from M company is going to tow it.


Still no assurance that this is the right thing.

More phone calls and more text to dude that wants it more than me.

Calls from Nick M company.

Knock on door.  Dude wearing orange vest says hey I'm Nick.  We towing this white one?  Yes I say.  Ok it needs to be on street, we can push it out he says.  I said no it's on a hill I can roll it out and pull it forward.

Ok.  I see his truck says W company. whatever I think. we have weird things like that in town anyway. We discuss his route because towing plan company says the route is 244 miles they want to go off the interstate, onto a state road then onto a something else road back to the interstate.  He says no way, he will stay on the interstate and save me 70 miles.


He loads my car.

Still not sure I'm doing the right thing.

He gets ready to leave and another tow truck rounds the corner.  It says M company.  Dude says hey, I'm nick from M company you called someone else?  I suddenly realize THIS was the EXACT voice I have heard on the phone 3 times this morning.

I say um, no dude showed up said hi, I'm nick.  I thought he was you.

Nick from M company calls towing plan company.
Towing plan company confused again.
They say M company has to tow it.
Nick and Nick meet.
both nicks talk to towing plan dude.
Towing plan dude says M company gets the job.  M Nick says are you sure?  It's loaded up on the other truck already.  I'm sure says plan dude.

So first Nick unloads my car.  Second Nick loads it

Now I am REALLY not sure I am making the right decision.

Nick from M company leaves with my car on his truck.  He promises to take the interstate.

an hour later Dude that wants it more than me calls and says listen, this is insane.  It's already been on 2 tow trucks this morning, why make it 3?  I freak out thinking he is backing out.
He says just tow it to my mechanic shop.  I'll look at it, if I like it I'll pay your bank.
No I say.  I want it at my parents house until you pay.  I cant be 200 miles away only having talked and texted and have you take my car.

Ok he says I will go pay your bank.  When I am done you reroute the truck.

Ok I say.
Now I'm really sure I just got screwed and failed at decision making 101.

Bank calls me 30 minutes later.  She says hey dude just came in and gave me 3,000 and I gave him a bill of sale and a title.


I call Nick. No answer.
He calls me back.
Send me address he says.
I text him address.
then I text him and ask if he would be so kind as to remove my plates and bring them back.
Sure he says.

I'm still not sure we made the right decision.

In the mean time I am out running errands.
I come home to an empty driveway.
For the first time in months I feel relief.

Now everytime I come home to an emty driveway I feel it.
My answer.

Sweet. Blessed. Relief. Relaxation. For the first time in MONTHS.

I still owe the bank for a car that we dont own. Sweet relief.

All this to say (and I hope you got this far)  Sometimes our blessings and answers dont come without a trial.  They dont come sometimes until we have made the steps, done the work, completed the task.  Sometimes we have to prove to our Father that we are willing to do something.  We have to do what needs to be done if we had the answer in the first place.

If you arent getting an answer start working toward the goal.
Sweet. Blessed. Answers.

There are some that feel we made the wrong decision.  I dont care what you think.  I never have.  I care what my Father in Heaven thinks.

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