My Journey to Healing, as a spouse of a recovering Porn addict.

Friday, May 25, 2012


That moment when you realize that you driving everywhere or close to it for the past eight years has always been about control no matter how good the reasons were it has always been control based. Going to have to give that one up. It may be hard and I can still drive sometimes but it needs to not be about control when I do.

Also today something else is bugging me. Of course spouse is going to read this and it may ruin it but that is ok this is my healthy outlet. See we are leaving town soon him in one direction the kids and I in another. No big deal there but he has a calling that he can have no part of for three weeks. Now the control me wants to nag him until he sits down and calls someone to cover him. I can't go that though and it's hard because if he doesn't do it then be will take a fall and it will be my fault ( not really my fault I know that now) so I guess this will suffice as his reminder because to nag is to control and be codependent. The journey is fun isn't it? A learning process for sure. Where is the line between a helpful reminder and a codependant behavior?

It has been said that my husband has ADD and we used to believe that. We are changing that belief as we learn more about addiction. Tonight I believe that he doesn't have ADD it's just that for so long he has been controlled by someone with codependent behavior( I am not the first codependent he has had) that he can't put things in his memory. Why go to that work when you have someone to do it for you. I guess part of his recovery is going to have to be him retraining his brain to remember things.

ETA: after he read this he said his calling is all taken care of.

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